I’m at the beach all week, which I love because I can show off my hot body. Most coeds don’t even have a rock hard body like mine. Getting cock with tits and a body like mine is not hard. Well, so I thought. Today has not been my day to score dick. I don’t handle rejection well so I decided it would be a day about me. Sunning my hot body and reading. I had my Kindle with me so I searched for books under the erotica section. If I couldn’t get laid, well, I could read about it. In the suggested reading list, something caught my eye, “Garden Gnome Gang Bang.” The tagline read: “When Vinny decides to add a little whimsical flavor to her backyard with a trio of garden gnomes, she never suspects what’s in store. When the sun goes down, Vinny discovers her new lawn ornaments are ready to get busy, and they know how to use those pointy red hats to please a woman!” Well, that literally screamed my name. Now, mind you, I suffer from a rare disorder called gnomaphobia. Yes, you guessed correctly, it is the irrational fear of garden gnomes. I think they are creepy little soul stealing mother fuckers. But this book being suggested, sounded like a sign that I needed to put on my big girl panties and get over this silly fear. So I downloaded the book.
I’m there on the beach, reading garden gnome porn, thinking to myself, perhaps I have been looking at them all wrong. Perhaps they are not instruments of evil, but instruments of pleasure. I sat there and read the entire book in a couple hours. I was actually horny as fuck afterwards too. My pussy was dripping wet from gnome erotica. Sooo embarrassing to admit. I went back to my motel room and masturbated; but I could not get the image of fucking those gnomes with those pointy hats outta my head. So, I put a cover up on, marched down to Walgreens, and bought a trio of garden gnomes and a box of condoms. The lady behind the counter gave me a weird look. Like what the hell is a middle aged woman in beach wear doing buying 3 gnomes and condoms. I felt like a pervert, but I wanted to try this out, but thought somehow condoms over those pointy hats might be more sanitary? Not sure what I was worried about, when I was younger, I crammed all sorts of things in my cunt. I’d fuck anything I was so horny. Guess nothing has changed as I was about to turn a garden gnome into a sex toy.
I’m back in my motel bed, naked on the bed. Decide to ease myself into this. I start to rub my clit while they watch. I get lost for a moment, start cumming hard, then I just grab one of them and start slowly working that pointy hat into my pussy. I have had many massive black cocks, certainly I could take a garden gnome. I had it inserted pretty good and was sliding up and down it and it felt good. I guess I got so lost in my head fucking that garden gnome I failed to hear housekeeping come in. I look up an a maid is looking at me in horror. Shear horror. Like I was some circus freak or something. I tried to get up real fast, fell off the bed, landed in the crotch of another gnome. She ran out and I chased her, naked, down the long stretch of the motel yelling “I’m not a freak, I’m just horny.” Well, I guess some folks heard me, came out to see what was going on. Decided to slink back to my room in shame.
Just a few minutes later, there was a knock on my door, there was a black god in his swim trunks. He looked at me and said I hear you are horny. He asked if big black cock did it for me and said he could wear a red pointy hat if it helped? I guess the maid shared my secret. We had a good laugh and of course I invited him to fuck me. That gnome wasn’t bad, but a red pointy hat ain’t got nothing on a huge black cock. Finally, I got my cock. Sometimes you just have to fuck a few gnomes along the way first.
Vinny
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